It was my first few days in KK Lanchang. Masih freshies, masih noobies kubis kudis. And obviously, as the youngest Medical Officer in the clinic, there’s a lot of new things that I don’t know about..
Then, Mawi menyapa dari belakang..
Dr Mawi:” weyh kau dah tengok dah ker? Jadual oncall dah keluar doe. Safuan letak kau oncall hujung bulan ni”.
Me: “eh, aku oncall gak ker?? Lah, aku ingatkan first month masuk, takyah oncall lagi, haritu Safuan gak yang cakap camtu..”
Notakaki: Dr Safuan is our MO in charge of the clinic a.k.a Our Small boss. Some small Klinik Kesihatan which doesn’t have any FMS (Family Medicine Specialist), will have this MO in charge thingy, to manage the clinic on behalf of the FMS.
Dr Mawi: “haha, selalunya memang second month baru oncall. Tapi takpe ah bro, maybe dia trust kau kot. Kita pun pernah handle Resus sama2, so aku rasa ok la kot”.
Me: ” hurm, aku ok jer. Btw, case kat sini time oncall camner bro? Heavy tak?”.
Dr Mawi: ” ikut nasib la. Ade time heavy , ade time tak. Tapi kau kan fresh from ED, so u should be able to handle all cases just fine. Cuma, kau just kena beware sket case2 antenatal, postnatal and case budak2 Under 5 years old. Sebab case camtu, bukan setakat kau buat silap jer kena query, diorang m**i kat rumah pun, kira salah kau. Letih weyh masuk mortality meeting. Nak kena present bagai”.
Then, when the time comes for me to oncall. I was at my mother in-laws house, tak senang duduk, panas p******g. I always staring at the phone, waiting anxiously for any call-ins. And my phone is always with me 24/7, even though during shower, the phone never left my sight. Because, as a new Medical officer I couldn’t afford to make any mistake. Because when I did, somebody might die, and the stress of living with that guilt is overwhelming. So, I hope nobody dies, at least not under my watch. And the phone was remains silent for the first 3 days, until that night…
that one night ,that I couldn’t forget..
I received a distress call from my Medical Assistant on duty..
MA Rus: “Salam , Dr Amal. Dr Amal oncall ker?”
Me: ” yes, aku oncall. Kenape bro?”
MA Rus: ” ni ade satu case baby B.I.D la (brought in dead)…”
Me: ” Baby B.I.D??? Baby?? Weyh , initiate resus la bang. Aku on the way sekarang ni !!” (melompat aku dari katil capai scrubs and grab stethoscope terus pecut naik kereta).
still on the phone..
Ma Rus: “nak resus macam mana doktor?? Memang baby dah takde. Dah sejuk pucat abes da. Memang dah takde sign of life. Mak dia kata dah tak bernafas sejak dari pukul 5 petang tadi lepas tu baru bawak ke klinik pukul 8malam ni ha. Saya tanya kenapa lambat bawak? Mak dia kata takde kenderaan nak datang klinik, nombor ambulans pun semua tak tahu. Memang masalah lah mak dia ni!”.
Me: ” La yeker. Innalillahiwainnailaihirojiun. Takpe lah. Kau tunggu sana aku datang ni. Dah inform balai polis belum?”.
MA Rus: ” dah. Polis dah tahu. Sekarang mak dia ade kat balai tengah beri keterangan. Body baby tu ade ngan saya ni..”
As I arrived, that baby was already covered with kain batik and sehelai kain putih from the clinic. I opened up the wrappings and terus auscultate, memang dah takde any heart beat nor any spontaneous breathing. I sat down feeling so hopelessly. And was thinking that If the mother could inform us earlier, this baby might have a chance. I felt like my NRP certificate (Neonatal Resuscitation Programme) that I received, is for nothing. I have been trained to resus a baby, and I know how to resus one, but it was too late. The baby has already gone…
and nothing that I could do to change that..
Me: ” Eh Tam, cerita budak ni camner? Mak dia cakap aper?”.
MA Rus: Mak dia kata pukul 3 petang tadi, Mak dia bagi dia minum susu botol and terus tertidur sekali dengan baby. Bila mak dia sedar dalam pukul 5 petang camtu, mak dia perasan anak dia dah terbaring terlingkup muka mengadap ke tilam, dah tak bergerak dah. Then, Mak dia cuba tepuk-tepuk baby tu, tapi still tak bergerak, takde respons. Pastu mak dia yang masa tu tinggal dengan nenek dia, menjerit mintak tolong. Diorang tinggal kat pedalaman, atas bukit, kiri kanan takde jiran. Kenderaan pun takde. Jadi masa tu mak dia call adik beradik dia lah yang tinggal dekat Temerloh untuk datang tengokkan baby tu. Bila semua dah sampai, baru diorang decide nak bawak ke klinik, confirm death…”
Me: “After 3 jam baru nak bawak ke klinik?? Apsal lambat sangat doe?”.
As I stared at the body again, Then my eyes was caught at the frothy bubbles on the both nostrills.
Me: “eh , bubbles apa kat hidung ni, tadi memang dah ade ker? Budak ni lemas dalam air ker?”.
MA Rus: ” eh tak tahu lah pulak. Tadi takde pun. Mak dia tak cakap pun lemas”.
Me:” Jom tolong aku bukak balutan baby ni, macam suspicious lah budak ni”.
At the first sight, I was able to recognize that bubbles on the nostrils is a surfactant froth. Surfactant is a type of special fluid in the lungs alveoli to prevent the alveoli from collapsing on exhalation. From what I know back then from my forensics class, Surfactant froth sign, on the nostrills are commonly found on the body of a drowned victims. However, it was also found on the body who died due to SUFFOCATION…
With the help of my Medical Assistant, I quickly undressed the body fully, and I could see the obvious bruises over the anterior chest wall bilaterally, and on the close examination, there is also some bruises at the left side of nostrill. However, the ribs is not fractured, and there is a fresh stool seen at the child’s pants, and the child is not wearing any diapers…
Oh Demit.. Then suddenly I was thinking that. Could it be a homicide case? Is there is any possibility that the child was being suffocated using a pillow? And could it be the mother herself, was purposely not putting this child with diapers because she knew that the child will be dead anyway??
When the police arrived, I present my findings and my Provisional Cause of Death as an Asphyxial condition, likely due to suffocation. And I labeled the death as suspicious, and I challenged the mother’s right not for an autopsy. To send the child for an autopsy by the Forensics tonight.
Notakaki: The details of the autopsy and progress of the case is strictly confidential and it cannot be disclosed to public.
The next day, I received another call in the middle of the night by my Medical Assistant saying that there are both patients came with chest pain and the ECG findings looks rather suspicious. I was quickly glancing through the ECG and My GOD. They were both having a Myocardial Infarction at the same TIME !!! One has an anterioseptal MI and the other has Inferior MI. My MA call me in to help as one of the patient seems like going to collapse anytime soon.
After resuscitating and sending them to Hospital, aku sampai klinik pukul 1.30 pagi. Then, lepas salam and main babai babai dengan MA dan pilot on call, aku menuju ke kereta yang diparking baik dekat bawah bumbung parking MO on call. Masuk jer dalam kereta , aku start engine and terus masuk gear reverse..
Tiba-tiba, alarm gear reverse sensor pun berbunyi sekuatnya, “tttetttttttttttttttttttttttttt…ttetttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt…tttettt” seperti ade something belakang kereta aku yang dah nak terlanggar. Aku macam jadi bingung jap. Aku usya kat reverse camera takde apa-apa pun. Semuanya Clear, memang takde apa2 kat belakang kereta aku pun. Tapi bila aku try reverse slowly balik, alarm reverse still berbunyi bising…
Aku terus tarik hand break, turun kereta and usya belakang kereta. Saje nak cek, kalau ade apa2 yg reverse camera aku tak dapat capture. Kosong. Nothing. Not even a cat or a tiny mouse pun yang melintas dekat belakang kereta aku. Hurm, confuse jap, maybe my Reverse sensor dah rosak kot.
“ah, lantaklah. Mata dah kuyu badan dah lesu ni, aku just nak balik and tido”. Then aku reverse balik slow-slow. Eventhough, my reverse sensor and alarm still bunyi bising, tapi aku buat tak kisah. Tapi kali ni, aku usya kat reverse camera. Tiba-tiba nampak macam ade satu tiang kecik warna putih yg jaraknya lebih kurang 1 meter dari belakang kereta aku…
“aik pelik?? Nila masa plak ade tiang kecik tu? Tadi aku usya takde pun? Bila masa pulak benda ni ade tiba-tiba?”.
Sebab tiang kecik tu, position dia agak lateral sedikit belah kanan belakang kereta aku, aku confident
untuk reverse maneuver slow-slow tanpa turun dari kereta..
Bunyi reverse sensor agak membingitkan telinga, tapi aku continue jer reverse slow2 with the help of my reverse camera. Sedang aku makin dekat, makin dekat dengan tiang kecik tu untuk cuba mengelak. The image gets clearer and clearer, dan barulah aku perasan yang benda putih tu bukanlah sebuah tiang…
IT WAS A CHILD YANG BERBALUT DENGAN KAIN PUTIH!!! ASTAGHFIRULLAHALAZIM. ASTAGHFIRULLAH. ASTAGHFIRULLAH..
I was stunned by the ‘thing’ that I saw from my reverse camera. It was a child about my knee height. Yang sedang memandang tajam straight ke depan, emotionlessly. Kemas berbungkus rapi dengan kain putih, and she was standing still. Until suddenly I saw that ‘thing’ gradually moving and was approaching towards the back of my car, and she was turning her face towards the car with that rounded but creepy eyes..
Suddenly I heard a sounds of baby crying. From outside. Sayup-sayup kedengaran and makin lama makin jelas, and that ‘thing’ was almost hitting my car until all I could see from my reverse camera is just a white cloth, and nothing else. I was so terrified and trembling in fears. Never in my life , I felt so terrified, I was so afraid even to breath. Let alone to make any sounds…
I was shivering and my hands and feet were shaking uncontrollably. I was trying to grab my phone in my pocket to open the mp3 of surah ayatul kursi, but as i unlocked my phone the screen was showing the face of the dead baby that I captured last night!!! How it possibly happens, I don’t know, and that phone was terus terjatuh ke bawah seat and aku tak berani nak ambik dah.
I looked up again at my reverse camera and luckily that thing was gone, takde, terus hilang. Bunyi budak nangis pun terus takde. Alhamdulillah. Then, sedang aku terkumat kamit baca ayat kursi di mulut, aku hit balik reverse gear and niat terus nak blah dari situ.
Until suddenly, aku terbau macam bau budak2 kecik. Alah, macam bau baby yang kita bau and kata bau syurga tu. Ha, that kind of smell la, it was filling up my car. And ntah kenapa aku gatal2 sangat nak usya cermin belakang, saje2 nak tengok2 , takut ade benda yang menumpang. Sebab aku bawak MPV, kereta Exora bold, memang lah banyak empty seat kat belakang. 5 vacant seats at the back to be exact, tapi tak semestinya aku bagi orang tumpang…
Alhamdulillah, aku usya2 cermin belakang takde apa2. Tapi bau tu still ade lagi la. Then, lepas aku masuk gear D, aku terus pandang depan budget nak gerak dah. Astaghfirullahalazim, aku terpandang cermin belakang, nampak budak tu betul2 duduk belakang seat aku!!!!!! Macam harammmm jads….
main naik jer, tak bagi salam apa pun.
So, aku tak jadi nak gerak, sebab takkan aku nak angkut budak ni balik rumah kot? Time tu memang siyut la, aku baru jer nak ade semangat balik dah jadi takut balik. Aku tak berani nak toleh belakang nak pandang budak tu directly, tapi entah macam ade kuasa apa entah yang pegang kepala aku tak boleh nak alih pandangan dari cermin belakang, and nak tutup mata pun tak boleh…
Ya Allah, ni bala ni memang bala.
I was able to recognize the face, this is the baby that I pronounced dead last night. She looks so clean and innocent, like a baby. Tapi aku perasan kali ni budak tu mata dia terpejam, dan bukan terbeliak lagi macam tadi, then dia terus tersenyum takde nampak gigi and terus vanished, macam tu jer. Ape benda dia nak sampaikan pun, aku tak tahu. Kalau this is the way dia macam cuba nak say ‘thanx’, I think dia kena improve on her manners lah. Because there is a huge different on expressing her gratitude and scared people to death. HUGE difference, indeed..
And aku memang tak paham apa yang dia cuba nak sampaikan. Tadi mula-mula aku tengok mata dia macam terbeliak, sekarang bila dia datang dekat, mata dia tutup. Tadi muka macam stone jer, tapi pastu tiba-tiba dia senyum and terus hilang. Sorry lah , they do not teach me ‘Dead People Language’ in my Med School last time. If you want to say thanx, then you might as well just say it rather then kacau my reverse sensors and alarm…
But anyway, I understand that maybe it is not all her fault, because developmentally she’s still not reaching the age to be able to say “a word with meaning” yet. She need to pass 12 months old to be able to do that, and maybe that is the best that she could do to say thanx. Ok la, apology accepted. Lepas benda tu blah, aku tengok jam baru pukul 1.45pagi. Just 15 minit jer benda ni berlaku, tapi aku rasa macam dah berjam-jam lamanya.
I parked my car and decide utk tidur dekat rumah transit MA oncall malam tu. Pagi esok aku terbangun lambat sket sbab sangat mengantuk, tapi selamat aku ade baju spare dalam kereta even tak bergosok pun. MA Rustam tegur aku, cakap yang dia perasan yang dia nampak aku duduk dalam kereta lama malam tadi, ingatkan just tidur dalam kereta jer.
Ha..ha…ha, aku tak tahu nak gelak ke apa sebab tak kelakar pun. Aku just cakap yang malam tadi aku rasa panas sket, tu yang aku terlelap jap kat dalam kereta pasang air cond. Cover line! Pagi tu memang aku rasa satu badan lenguh-lenguh macam baru lepas bertumbuk, ade rasa macam tak sihat sikit lah, tapi aku tetap kerja macam biasa and tak ambik MC. Cos aku rasa doctors ni among the profession yg mmg jarang ambik MC la, unless they were drop dead, status epilepticus for half a day or was being intubated in ICU. Itu pun orang yang bagi dia MC, they didn’t request for it. They ‘earned’ it..
I was remains silent about this thing and never tell it to anyone except my wife masa I balik KL on the next weekend. I never had a strength to write about this up until now, when a friend of mine was sharing the similar experience. But mine was a bit longer la sket, siap ade mukadimamah bagai. Since that, aku tak pernah kena ‘kacau’ lagi pun time oncall, it was just that time la. And to say that whether It is just something that was coming from my head and was not a real thing or maybe I was traumatized from seeing the dead body that cause me to have such experience. Hello, I’m seeing a dead body almost everyday. It is a part and parcel of the life as a doctor, never I’ve been so traumatized or emotionally deeply disturbed in seeing such event…
Up until now, I still tak sure why that ‘thing’ decide to pay me a visit in such a manner, tapi aku da malas nak pikir sebab ianya bukan ade change any management pun. I felt such a relief to be able to write about this after almost 7 months it happened, and I hope, no one would ever encounter such experience..
hantar kisah anda: fiksyenshasha.com/submit
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